the WORST patient in the world

Here he is in a percoset induced stupor (really, he dosen’t look this bad, he was in the middle of a blink-but he shaved with a hospital razor and hacked up his face):

And the funny thing is that he’s not a bad patient in the normal male way. He dosen’t ask for anything, he’s not whiney and complainey. But that’s where the problem lies…he thinks he can do everything himself. Do you know the most pressing question he had to ask the doctor? He asked him (while lying in the recovery room gurney) if he was allowed to walk 10 blocks round trip or drive to get the paper every morning. The man is obsessed with the newspaper. But what the hell kind of question is that? The doctor had told him straight out to take it easy for the first week and no driving. So somehow in his twisted newspaper obsessed brain that information turned into walking 10 blocks to get the flipping paper. He dosen’t walk 10 blocks when he isn’t having back surgery where they drill a hole in his spine! The doctor said "no", but as John explained it his tone sounded more like, "no you giant idiot".

Oh, and then literally in the first minute we walked in from the hospital today, he’s checking his crackberry and on the computer. Then standing around in the kitchen, chatting. Then he seemed somehow perplexed that his back was hurting. And THEN, he carried his briefcase upstairs. Yeah, the doctor said "no lifting". Not "please carry things upstairs". It’s gonna be a loooooooong week. Instead of having 3 boys who don’t listen to me in the house, now I have 4. I’m not going to make it. Really.

So the whole surgery story: John’s parents picked him up at 4:30am yesterday and took him in. When my mom got here at around 7, I left for the hospital. It seemed like forever waiting for news. George (aka Mr. Incredible) came to the hospital from 8-10am to keep me company- how nice is that?? He’s a great friend. And his wife, Tricia who works at the hospital but in OB, asked her favorite anesthesiologist to serve on John’s case. He couldn’t as he had something else scheduled but he did stop in to check on John during the surgery and in recovery. So, thanks Tricia!! We finally got word at 10, although there was a mix up with the names. There was also a "Meyer" getting surgery that morning and the names got switched around. The report at 10 was that he was in recovery and doing fine. Then we didn’t hear anything til about 12, when they said I could go up to recovery to see him. He looked really great…sitting up on the gurney, good color (not that grey/green post-anesthesia skin), chatting with his surgeon about baseball. I guessed everything went well since they weren’t discussing the surgery itself. John told me they removed a huge hunk of disc from his back and drilled a hole in his spine which they apparently just leave open. Ew. And they closed him up with a bunch of staples. (I’ll let you know how many tommorrow when I have to change the dressing). Ew. ew. Anyway, he was up and walking in the recovery room which was great. And the best part was that the surgery fixed what it was supposed to fix- he had no more radiating leg/foot pain or tingling and numbness. He was really in a good mood. And of course, was discussing work stuff from pretty much the minute he woke up. Oh, and he somehow got himself a cup of coffee and of course the PAPER. 

Eventually, he got in a room (funny, but his roommate was the guy with the last name "Meyer"- and on the nurses station board it had in big orange letters- NAME ALERT) and was up and walking. They kept him on Percoset which was a good thing for all of us. His afternoon nurse, Lynn, was fantastic. Right on the ball. The other two nurses he had left something to be desired though. He had to ask numerous times for his medications (both pain and others). 

His discharge papers were signed earlier today but it took over an hour to get the wheelchair to take him out. We were ready to just leave without it. And by this morning he was already back in his usual mood- so I know he was really okay.